Howdy? I Need Your Help
What should I do to those who only want to receive and not give?
The saying “Charity begins at home” has been cliched, yet it has not lost its freshness to me. It guides my giving. You may ask, “What is home?” My answer is: Home is where family lives. And family is your inner circle — those who invest tirelessly into your existence. Although charity should begin at home, it must not end there. It has to move into the neighbourhood and beyond. The famous Igbo saying buttresses this fact: Nwanne dị na mba — brethren live abroad. If charity must not end at home, how far should it go?
In recent times, we have what I call the Gain Culture. This culture, for me, encourages exploitation. At various levels of relationship, you may have encountered people who only want to receive from you. The gain culture seeks anything ranging from your time, money, sympathy, votes, attention, and the list goes on. They think less of giving, if they think of it at all. This category should learn the investment culture.
The investment culture emphasises giving and receiving. This is what family does. And this is why we owe family some responsibilities. I do not subscribe to the “I owe no one anything” crusade. It is your duty to invest charity in those who have loved you. The investment culture teaches one to give. But charity must begin at home. This may not be the best approach. But your gifts are limited. Strategy must come in.
Should those who only seek to receive without giving be cut off? Let’s see these suggestions.
“Beware of people who are only present when they have something to gain but absent when they have something to give.”
How to Respond to the Gain Culture
You have to think about your welfare first in responding to the gain culture. It is more about you than them. You are the one giving.
Create a Strata of Compromise
Sort relationships according to levels of intimacy and investment. Then designate the degree of help you can grant to each level. Those who care to invest in your life should receive more. Those who don’t care should be content with what you can give. Never be sad to say NO when you cannot help someone from the gain culture.
Do not feel anxious to help or not help
Most times, those from the gain culture seek immediate help. Hence the trend “Urgent 2k.” But remember that it is more about you, so do not allow them to make you rush into poor decisions. Do not rule out helping anyone. Do not always help everyone. The subscribers of the gain culture are not enemies. Most of them are products of an inability to maintain a good circle and network, conceit, poor economy, or just a mentality of dependence. So don’t shut them out. Again, help when you can.
Understand the Gravity and Authenticity of Their Plea
Their pleas can vary from asking for a recharge card to needing school fees. But remember that it is more about you. No matter the plea, their level of intimacy and investment in your life should guide your response. Also, take note of the difficulty in satisfying the plea. Can you go that far? This is why you must set limits that guide your involvement. Finding out the gravity of their plea will help you not to write them off quickly. Help if you can afford to.
Beware of Emotional Blackmail
Some may wittingly seek to manipulate your feelings. They may say, “You don’t know what you will need in the future.” Their aim is to make you feel bad, scared or sad for not helping them. Remember again, it is more about you. They should have the maturity to know that they cannot reap where they have not sown. And that everything you give them is a gift. So do not fall for their manipulation.
In the end…
Giving is a beautiful thing. But we are limited beings and without infinite resources. So giving must be strategic. It is only God that can give infinitely — you are not God. In my own opinion, give something. But your inner circle should be the first to receive your blessings. Opportunists will only come around when you have value; it is your friends that will suffer with you. Don’t deprive them of their privilege.
